Friday, December 31, 2010

soul searching

 I love anticipating the beginning of a new year. It's a chance to look back at the last 12 months and see how we measured up and how to do better in the coming year. It is one more chance to start fresh, to begin a new life. It's a time of hope for the days ahead.

     
The end of every year causes me to do some soul searching and this year is no different. 
2010 has been filled with house projects that kept us busy on weekends, especially up until July when we listed our house for sale. The remainder of the year I spent countless hours looking for a prospective new home and keeping our house ready to show at any moment. It seems like all I did for the past several months is pick up and clean the house constantly and nag others to pick up after themselves. I hate that. I'm not complaining, but this is a monotonous routine and I find no joy in it. I would much prefer to have a messy house and have construction going on. I know, there's definitely something wrong with me!

Mary Gregory

     This past year was also a year of experiencing a pre-empty nest of sorts. Our oldest daughter graduated from high school this past June and started working a  full time job a month later and began taking some classes at college in the fall. Our youngest daughter started her senior year in high school this fall and has a part time job. All of you with younger children, once your children have their own vehicle, they will rarely be home home. You have to make plans to see them or you won't. I was actually glad that I didn't have a job this year because being home allowed me to be more available to my girls in these last years before they fly the nest. Being available for little things like a forgotten book or homework or delivering forgotten work shoes between class and work when there wasn't any time to come home... or for being home mid afternoon to pack a snack and say "have a good day"  to my daughter before she goes off to work... or for short trips to run errands with them or for little impromptu conversations. 

     The housing market crash and  losing my income in 2009 was bad, but being home was priceless...time during the last few years of my daughter' living at home that I could never get back. Romans 8:28 comes to mind here. " And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Most times it's only in retrospect that we see this. When we are going through uncertain times, we just need to trust Him. 


     Back to soul searching... It must be  mid-life or an empty next thing this year because a lot is changing around me  and I'm feeling a nudge to start something new. A change in my home, whether it be moving to a new one, or just changing all the paint on the walls in the home we have. These words  don't just describe the desire for changing my home, they are a metaphor for my life right now. Since my girls don't need my time much anymore, there are so many possibilities. A new job, a business, volunteer?... the opportunities are endless. 

With that said, I'm ready to say goodbye to 2010 and am happy to celebrate a new year and  look forward with hope to all that lies ahead in  2011.
Thank you to all who have stopped by this past year. Words are not enough to express how much that means to me.

Hoping all of you have a Happy New Year!!!

Pam

8 comments:

Blondie's Journal said...

I felt the same way you are feeling when I was nearing the 'empty nest'. My two daughters actually asked me to stop working and I was more than happy to. My youngest daughter went away to school for one semester and was so homesick that she came home and now goes to a local school. I hold her even closer now.

Here's wishing you all the best in the New Year to come!

XO,
Jane

Sailing Simply said...

Pam you have described perfectly the way I am feeling too. My oldest is at college and living out of town and probably will never move back home again if he can help it. My youngest is in 11th grade and yes you are right with a car you never see them again! I've been out of a job this year. I have been able to accomplish much I most likely would not have had I been working, including running something forgotten up to the school for my son. I am so ready to say goodbye to 2010, it's not been a great year for our family but I love your perspective, and the scripture your quoted. I really need to focus on that! You are so positive and I need to hear more postive and be more positive. Thanks for such a wonderful inspiring post!

Melanie said...

I have been doing the same thing. Looking back on the last year and half and thinking that I haven't been really happy since we lived in Florida. Oh, I am happy with my husband & son but our lives have been in constant upheaval. I guess moving to two different states in 8 months will do that to you. I want to feel settled. I want to do some of the fun things that I use to do. I don't want to be thinking about moving and all the stress that comes with that. I want to find a balance with blogging and the computer. I don't know how to just blog for me and the fun of it. I weighs on me when I am not blogging, I am thinking about what to say, who to visit, who to email....it just seems like it is to much.

So as you can see, you are not alone in your reflection. Here is hoping to a great 2011!

Mel said...

Mine are not even close to leaving and I already feel the tugs at my heartstrings.

The year away from work and with your girls was a gift that you have treasured and used to it's fullest, what a blessing.

Have a fantastic 2011 Pam.

Val said...

Pam, I love this post! Cheers to another amazing year.

Tee said...

Oh girl, you said that so well. I knew this year was going to be rough for the same reasons as you said and I've been having those same unsettled feelings. I'm praying that God will show me what to do with my life next. Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I try, I don't quite get it right.

Maybe we should start a business together! lol

⚜ ↁℯℬℬᴵℰ⚜ said...

Gosh Pam, that is so true. I think our kids actually needs us even more as they get older. I am seeing that with my teenager more so these days. I feel like his mentor and coach with different social situations and how to handle it. Now i know Jack will be so different, he thinks he knows it all already!
Happy New Year, and may it be filled with all those good wishes and hopes.

Farah Muzaffar said...

So impressive Pam and so true... what a real thoughts you share.... Love it really. I enjoyed reading it and its inspirational...
Wish you all the best for coming new year and peace , love and harmony to all over the world
Happy New Year
http://craftaworld.blogspot.com/
Love
Farah